


Once in Twenty Lifetimes

by wesawbears



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Coda, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27673724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears
Summary: Still feeling something's missing, Dean wanders Heaven in search of an angel. He finds a lot more.--Where an angel loved a human so much he broke the afterlife.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	Once in Twenty Lifetimes

Bobby’s right. After he finds Sam, time goes wonky. Really wonky. He and Sam visit everyone, but there are some places Sam has to go where Dean can’t follow. Like meeting Jessica again. So he drives and wanders and thinks.

If this is Heaven, why does it still feel like he’s missing something?

Rationally, he knows what it is. He knows that he misses Cas, feels his absence like a gaping wound. But if Cas wanted to be found, he would. He’d never been shy about popping up before. 

Dean regrets his silence the last time they’d seen each other, but what was he supposed to say? Cas was leaving, dying, and nothing Dean said would have changed anything. But he had said, “the joy was in the being, not the having” or something like that.

Dean thinks that’s a crock of shit.

Because Cas was happy, but where did that leave Dean? What was he supposed to do, when he was the one being left behind to pick up the pieces? He hadn’t been able to even process what Cas was saying before he was gone, and he was left to his grief instead. 

Well, screw that. And screw Cas not wanting to be found. Dean would tear Heaven apart before not being allowed to say his peace. He was done running.

He stops at some point at a little shop at the side of the road. Bobby said that all the places he saw were things he remembered, constructed for him to find. So, even though he doesn’t need to buy anything, he can look around, discover things. He hasn’t felt the need to so far, but something about this shop calls to him.

He wanders in, taking in the weird sense of deja vu. He’s been to a million gas stations in his life, but this one feels different. There’s an old TV playing on the wall, but it just seems to be playing static. He steps closer and the world changes around him.

When it all settles, he’s surrounded by screens. He can make out little figures in them and there’s all these buttons When he presses them, he can choose which screen blows up bigger, like channels. He scans through and sees...they’re all him and Cas.

He only sees snippets, but he somehow knows the story of them all, somewhere deep in his bones. In one, they’re laughing in bed, Cas holding his face and kisses pressed to cheeks, the signs of a Sunday morning wasted away on each other.

In one, there’s a little girl with Dean’s eyes and Cas’ lopsided smile, cuddled up to them as they read a story. Dean triple checks beneath the bed and the closet in that one, as Cas rests his hand on his back and assures him that the wards are safe.

In one, they meet as children, skipping rocks and childhood crushes, and backwards glances in the hallway. Laying on each other’s beds and hoping the other won’t notice until they do and they crash into each other and stay, the fairytale ending.

In one, they don’t meet until they’re old, both widowed. But Cas gets mad when Dean steals his chips during bingo and somewhere crotchety bickering turns into steady hands clasped tight and stories and a life renewed, of hope when they thought all had been lost.

Over and over, Dean watches them come together and sees a million ways they could be happy. Why did he find the one where they’re not? Why-

“Is there one you like? I’m fond of the one where we find that cottage to fix up.’

“Cas?”

“Hello Dean.”

“What is all this?”

Cas sighs. “It isn’t supposed to exist. You weren’t supposed to find it. I mean, I’d hoped but- it’s just a...think of it as a dimensional supply closet.”

“It wasn’t supposed to- you broke Heaven?’

“I didn’t break it, Dean, I just...carved out a space for myself.”

“Were you ever planning on even looking for me? Or just...staying here in Fantasyland?”

Cas’ expression falters. “I didn’t think you would want me to. You have everything you want here.”

“You dumb son of a bitch,” Dean says before pulling Cas in by the lapels of his stupid coat and kissing the crap out of him. They break away and Dean says, “No more making decisions for me.”

“Understood.”

They kiss again, and Dean swears it’s a hundred Earth years before they pull away. Halfway against his lips, Cas says, “Two weeks. I left you alone for two weeks and you got yourself killed.”

“Shut up.”

And Cas does. There would be time for talking later.


End file.
